i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
