I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
