it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
