dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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