Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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