She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
