you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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