I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
