Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
