I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
