found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
