i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
