Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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