So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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