me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
