the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
