When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
