The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
