I'm eating all of the evidence.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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