Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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