Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
