I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
