when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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