Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
