Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
