No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
