Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
