Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
