why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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