There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
