so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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