Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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