i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
