I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
