Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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