I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
