i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
