i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
