You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
nutella sex= disaster
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
