Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
