Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
