The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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