god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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