I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
