I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
