Pants 0. Shit 1.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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