making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
