I could make wine with my vomit
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
