he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
