remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
