I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
