This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
