I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
