Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
