see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
