if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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