new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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