Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
