i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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