He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
